Saving our kids

I was talking to a friend, who was concerned about some problems in her family; she was coming to the conclusion that she and her husband could and should step in and offer help.

She gave a rueful smile and said that once, years ago, she watched as a niece, just a teenager, was being sucked into one bad situation after another, and her relationship with her mother was disintegrating into a destructive vicious cycle.  She was hanging out with a bad crowd, starting to do some drugs, that kind of thing, but she was not yet at a tipping point where the rebellion outran all her caution.  However, my friend "Jane," who had kids of her own, loved her and knew that if something didn't change, it could lead to tragedy.

The girl's mother could not see past the power struggle to recognize the hurting child, and every attempt to control her daughter only drove her farther away.  Her aunt worried that if it came to the point of either being thrown out or stomping off and running away, what would become of her? Would anyone still be able to reach her then?

She prayed and thought hard, and then called a close friend in another state.  Would she take this niece in and give her a chance in a new environment?  She would.  Jane sat her niece down, expressed her love and grave concern, and pitched an alternative to her.  There would be rules, chores, responsibilities she would have to agree to.  Accepted.  The intervention was accomplished, and the girl went away to another home against her mother's wishes, where she settled down, graduated high school, and went to community college. She was a part of this other household for four or five years, and it was a blessing.  She has succeeded in finding her way.

Jane said that she didn't think her sister would ever speak to her again; but after school was done and the girl got married, they were reconciled.  She regretted the strain, but Jane said she would do it again if she had to.  She looked at me and said, "Sometimes you just have to act to save a child.  You hope that the parents can be the ones to save the child, but sometimes they just can't."  She recognized that it is much easier to save someone before they are so far lost that they are nearly destroyed, and she acted as she felt she needed to, for the child's sake.

A wise parent knows that it is more important that a child find the right help and counsel than it is that they turn always and only to the parent.  You pray that your child chooses worthy people who will be a help and strength in the right ways.  Sometimes a child needs to have someone who thinks they are smart, capable, and worthwhile who doesn't have to think so.  (Whatever the parent thinks is automatically discounted.)  This is particularly true for adolescent girls who go through that so insecure stage where they doubt themselves on so many levels.  It is critical when your child is trying rebellion on for size, and you seem unable to do anything but push the wrong buttons.  You want to be the anchor, but you pray for someone to be that anchor, so that your child doesn't drown. 

It's a hard spot to be in.  Saving the child is more important than saving your pride.  I don't know that the Lord is too interested in saving our pride, but I know he is deeply interested in saving our children.  And us.  He will teach us how we can help save them, by reaching them in his way.  He will send in reinforcements where they are needed.  We may have to step back, but we never have to give up. He knows how to do this so much better than we do.