Before and after
We all have things that are demarcation points in our lives. Some we anticipate, even expect: leaving home for the first time, getting married, having children. We know that life will not be the same, before and after.
Some are things we don't expect and wouldn't choose. Cancer, death of a child, our home burning down, we could make a list. The bad ones tend to overshadow the good ones when we consider life-altering events, though the joys change our lives too. We just tend to take them more for granted.
For me, one of the significant demarcation points was what is referred to around here as the "original accident." "Original" because it was the first and worst of four times that I have been rear-ended. Without that damage to my body, the last one, in fact, would have been a non-event in terms of harm.
My best friend, Barbara, and I were going to the temple. She usually drove into town to me, and then I would drive us to the temple. That day I had to drive the 20 miles to go get her in Graham and drive her back. We were stopped at a red light, taking her home, on Meridian where the South Hill Mall now is, but then there was just a tavern. There were bumper stickers in that day that read, "Pray for me, I drive Meridian." The south county was starting to boom and traffic was overcoming capacity on the roads. We were hit from behind by a full-size pickup truck which had come around the bend where South Meridian becomes East Meridian, and he was not thinking about the road. By the time he registered that there were cars at that light, that it was red and they were not moving, he hit his brakes but did not have enough time to stop. There was a gravel shoulder to the right (with entry to the tavern) and an empty left-turn lane to the left. As I had at least four cars ahead of me, he had enough space to swerve aside in either direction as he braked, and avoid the collision, if he could have thought fast enough.
One of the dumbest things I ever did was drive Barbara and then myself home. I was hurting, I didn't know how badly I was hurt, I could have passed out behind the wheel, but all I could focus on was that another sister was waiting for me to return and get my kids so she could go to the temple, and I had to get home.
When I went in to the doctor in the morning, I told her she needed to run a pregnancy test before she did anything else. She sent that to the lab and examined me for injuries, then popped back to say, "Congratulations! It's positive. Unfortunately, that means we can't pump you full of drugs, and it limits what we can do for you."
Let me tell you how bad it was. My neck was so locked up that my ability to move it was no more than 2-3 inches of head movement in any direction. Chin towards chest? I could not tip my head down enough to see what I was stirring in the pot on the stove unless I bent from the waist to tip my whole body forward. My back was hurt, but it was less severe than my neck and shoulder injury. It would take ten years for my back to go splat with a massive disc rupture, but the seeds were sown here.
Just as I had hit the point where I expected the pregnancy to be safe, you know, the sigh of relief point, it was lost. After the sharp initial grief, there was some relief mingled with it, because I was still so bad off that I would not have been able to physically take care of a baby. I could be treated more aggressively now, but I had had three months of basic immobility which had to be overcome.
So we went through the adverse reactions to the medications we tried. Flexiril made me mental--I could not cope with answering a question from my daughter and stirring a sauce on the stove at the same time; I broke down in tears at the strain, and knew this wasn't going to work The next thing we tried, my stomach couldn't handle. Then, we tried something called parafon forte and that was better. Until the second or third day when I experienced what I could only call "the wilt" after taking it with dinner: I semi-suddenly felt no strength in any of my muscles and left the table to collapse into the recliner, because I couldn't hold my body up. I was afraid that if it got worse (like with another dose) I would not be able to support my breathing. It took about 45 minutes for this to pass. Okay, no muscle relaxants. On to the anti-inflammatories, where we tried a new one that I did tolerate. This was less therapeutic as a drug type, however.
All told, I was in physical therapy for 16 months. When we were hit, stopped at that light, I was talking to Barbara in the passenger seat--so my head was turned fully to the right, pulling the left-side muscles of my neck way around. No problem if you just turn forward again in a minute and no one hits your car. Big problem when someone did.
The biggest thing I had to come to terms with was that there was no way to go back and make it not happen. Being angry with the other driver (who came out of his car cursing and saying, "I can't believe this has happened again! In the same place!") only made me worse. Tension increased pain, a lot. Anger is very tense! It's a good thing that I assumed that I would eventually recover. (Only partly.) I had to let go and focus on everything I could do to get better. It was crummy and discouraging, it was hard work; the pain never left, and the life I had assumed I would continue to have, I didn't have any more.
Most of us have events or experiences which don't conform to our plans, which alter our assumptions of what our lives will be. They leave us only with the choice of seeking the Lord's strength or insisting on being miserable alone. Some things are no one's fault, just part of mortality. When they could have been prevented, because of someone else's poor choices, irresponsibility, or even malice, our requirement is forgiveness, and that's not instantly arrived at. All of it, however, is a training ground for us spiritually if we will accept it as such. Without the help of priesthood blessings, prayer, faith, and physical work, I would not be able to do as much as I can--I can measure my life by my limitations (I've done that, not happy) or by how I can still serve. I have learned how to better recognize my blessings, and be grateful for my blessings no matter what.
Some are things we don't expect and wouldn't choose. Cancer, death of a child, our home burning down, we could make a list. The bad ones tend to overshadow the good ones when we consider life-altering events, though the joys change our lives too. We just tend to take them more for granted.
For me, one of the significant demarcation points was what is referred to around here as the "original accident." "Original" because it was the first and worst of four times that I have been rear-ended. Without that damage to my body, the last one, in fact, would have been a non-event in terms of harm.
My best friend, Barbara, and I were going to the temple. She usually drove into town to me, and then I would drive us to the temple. That day I had to drive the 20 miles to go get her in Graham and drive her back. We were stopped at a red light, taking her home, on Meridian where the South Hill Mall now is, but then there was just a tavern. There were bumper stickers in that day that read, "Pray for me, I drive Meridian." The south county was starting to boom and traffic was overcoming capacity on the roads. We were hit from behind by a full-size pickup truck which had come around the bend where South Meridian becomes East Meridian, and he was not thinking about the road. By the time he registered that there were cars at that light, that it was red and they were not moving, he hit his brakes but did not have enough time to stop. There was a gravel shoulder to the right (with entry to the tavern) and an empty left-turn lane to the left. As I had at least four cars ahead of me, he had enough space to swerve aside in either direction as he braked, and avoid the collision, if he could have thought fast enough.
One of the dumbest things I ever did was drive Barbara and then myself home. I was hurting, I didn't know how badly I was hurt, I could have passed out behind the wheel, but all I could focus on was that another sister was waiting for me to return and get my kids so she could go to the temple, and I had to get home.
When I went in to the doctor in the morning, I told her she needed to run a pregnancy test before she did anything else. She sent that to the lab and examined me for injuries, then popped back to say, "Congratulations! It's positive. Unfortunately, that means we can't pump you full of drugs, and it limits what we can do for you."
Let me tell you how bad it was. My neck was so locked up that my ability to move it was no more than 2-3 inches of head movement in any direction. Chin towards chest? I could not tip my head down enough to see what I was stirring in the pot on the stove unless I bent from the waist to tip my whole body forward. My back was hurt, but it was less severe than my neck and shoulder injury. It would take ten years for my back to go splat with a massive disc rupture, but the seeds were sown here.
Just as I had hit the point where I expected the pregnancy to be safe, you know, the sigh of relief point, it was lost. After the sharp initial grief, there was some relief mingled with it, because I was still so bad off that I would not have been able to physically take care of a baby. I could be treated more aggressively now, but I had had three months of basic immobility which had to be overcome.
So we went through the adverse reactions to the medications we tried. Flexiril made me mental--I could not cope with answering a question from my daughter and stirring a sauce on the stove at the same time; I broke down in tears at the strain, and knew this wasn't going to work The next thing we tried, my stomach couldn't handle. Then, we tried something called parafon forte and that was better. Until the second or third day when I experienced what I could only call "the wilt" after taking it with dinner: I semi-suddenly felt no strength in any of my muscles and left the table to collapse into the recliner, because I couldn't hold my body up. I was afraid that if it got worse (like with another dose) I would not be able to support my breathing. It took about 45 minutes for this to pass. Okay, no muscle relaxants. On to the anti-inflammatories, where we tried a new one that I did tolerate. This was less therapeutic as a drug type, however.
All told, I was in physical therapy for 16 months. When we were hit, stopped at that light, I was talking to Barbara in the passenger seat--so my head was turned fully to the right, pulling the left-side muscles of my neck way around. No problem if you just turn forward again in a minute and no one hits your car. Big problem when someone did.
The biggest thing I had to come to terms with was that there was no way to go back and make it not happen. Being angry with the other driver (who came out of his car cursing and saying, "I can't believe this has happened again! In the same place!") only made me worse. Tension increased pain, a lot. Anger is very tense! It's a good thing that I assumed that I would eventually recover. (Only partly.) I had to let go and focus on everything I could do to get better. It was crummy and discouraging, it was hard work; the pain never left, and the life I had assumed I would continue to have, I didn't have any more.
Most of us have events or experiences which don't conform to our plans, which alter our assumptions of what our lives will be. They leave us only with the choice of seeking the Lord's strength or insisting on being miserable alone. Some things are no one's fault, just part of mortality. When they could have been prevented, because of someone else's poor choices, irresponsibility, or even malice, our requirement is forgiveness, and that's not instantly arrived at. All of it, however, is a training ground for us spiritually if we will accept it as such. Without the help of priesthood blessings, prayer, faith, and physical work, I would not be able to do as much as I can--I can measure my life by my limitations (I've done that, not happy) or by how I can still serve. I have learned how to better recognize my blessings, and be grateful for my blessings no matter what.
Good grief! Any time I think I'm bad off, all I need to do is read this posting again. You are absolutely right when you say,"Most of us have events or experiences which don't conform to our plans..." 25 years ago I had a brain abscess that knocked out the left side of my body, but I have seen too many others in MUCH worse shape than I.
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