Serenity is not a small thing
It was amazing that I had two days--in a row!--last week where I woke up and my first awareness was not pain. This is not one of those days. I arrived at the YMCA yesterday for my two classes not sure at all if I would last as long as last time, I just felt not-great.
Once I was moving, though, and the water yoga class was not taxing to me (it depends on what she does on the particular day, sometimes the sequences hit my weak spots more than others) and I revived more than I expected. I was doing so well that I tried brief bits of moves in the water aerobics class which follows that I have not been doing. I was pleased that I was tolerating them, but careful. By evening I was stiffening up a little, and long before wake-up time I was hurting.
But that's the way it is. Every little increase triggers strain, but pushing forward, cautiously, is essential to making any progress. There are things I know about what I need, and things I know I have to be careful about. I know I need to do my exercise, as much as I can tolerate. I know that I have to quit when my body says "done" though class isn't finished. I know I need to stretch out thoroughly when I'm done, before I get out.The balance is not perfect day to day, but I am making progress. The class teachers know that I am doing what I can manage, when I am not doing what they are doing, and it's all right.
I came so close to the end of the hour, that I was leaving my five after-minutes in the therapy pool at the same time that the teacher was leaving, having finished with the class and putting the equipment away. We stopped on deck and talked for a few minutes. She had been out sick for a couple of weeks, and she wanted to know how I was doing.
I gave her an optimistic report, and said that it was a slow process, but it's coming. She's kind of an intense personality, and she asked me a question:
"Man, with all these things that have happened to you! How do you deal with the anger?'
"I'm not angry. It doesn't help anything. I can be patient, I'm just working on getting better." I described how I found, with the first accident where I was badly hurt, that tension only made me much worse, and I had to let it go. Anger is very tense. The guy who hit me then had had an accident in the same spot before, and yet was daydreaming and did it again. My neck was so seized up then that I couldn't dip my head down enough to see the pot I needed to stir on the stove, I had to bend from the waist. (My back was hurt, but less so; it took ten years to lead to a massive disc rupture.) I was in a neck collar for a long time, and I was in physical therapy for 16 months. (Mind you, I didn't 'break' anything.) I learned then that I had to let it go. I told her that with the help of God, I was able to go forward. Am able.
The same thing applies spiritually. You can't beat yourself up for where you are, you can't get stuck in the injustice of what has happened, you can just work your way forward. You can't do what you can't do, just figure out what you can. You just have to push as much as you can in wisdom, deal with the transitory setbacks, and keep going. I am so grateful that I am not in any of this alone. Without my Heavenly Father, I would have been lost a long time ago. The presence of his Spirit heals me more than anything I can possibly do for myself.
Once I was moving, though, and the water yoga class was not taxing to me (it depends on what she does on the particular day, sometimes the sequences hit my weak spots more than others) and I revived more than I expected. I was doing so well that I tried brief bits of moves in the water aerobics class which follows that I have not been doing. I was pleased that I was tolerating them, but careful. By evening I was stiffening up a little, and long before wake-up time I was hurting.
But that's the way it is. Every little increase triggers strain, but pushing forward, cautiously, is essential to making any progress. There are things I know about what I need, and things I know I have to be careful about. I know I need to do my exercise, as much as I can tolerate. I know that I have to quit when my body says "done" though class isn't finished. I know I need to stretch out thoroughly when I'm done, before I get out.The balance is not perfect day to day, but I am making progress. The class teachers know that I am doing what I can manage, when I am not doing what they are doing, and it's all right.
I came so close to the end of the hour, that I was leaving my five after-minutes in the therapy pool at the same time that the teacher was leaving, having finished with the class and putting the equipment away. We stopped on deck and talked for a few minutes. She had been out sick for a couple of weeks, and she wanted to know how I was doing.
I gave her an optimistic report, and said that it was a slow process, but it's coming. She's kind of an intense personality, and she asked me a question:
"Man, with all these things that have happened to you! How do you deal with the anger?'
"I'm not angry. It doesn't help anything. I can be patient, I'm just working on getting better." I described how I found, with the first accident where I was badly hurt, that tension only made me much worse, and I had to let it go. Anger is very tense. The guy who hit me then had had an accident in the same spot before, and yet was daydreaming and did it again. My neck was so seized up then that I couldn't dip my head down enough to see the pot I needed to stir on the stove, I had to bend from the waist. (My back was hurt, but less so; it took ten years to lead to a massive disc rupture.) I was in a neck collar for a long time, and I was in physical therapy for 16 months. (Mind you, I didn't 'break' anything.) I learned then that I had to let it go. I told her that with the help of God, I was able to go forward. Am able.
The same thing applies spiritually. You can't beat yourself up for where you are, you can't get stuck in the injustice of what has happened, you can just work your way forward. You can't do what you can't do, just figure out what you can. You just have to push as much as you can in wisdom, deal with the transitory setbacks, and keep going. I am so grateful that I am not in any of this alone. Without my Heavenly Father, I would have been lost a long time ago. The presence of his Spirit heals me more than anything I can possibly do for myself.
Good for you! You are absolutely right -- anger solves nothing. I'm having a lot of knee trouble, and will be exploring replacement knee with my orthopedist.
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